How to win fiends and irritate people

Having had experienced this little gem of council trickery myself, and having my family's life made unbelievably unpleasant I feel I should expose the truth surrounding the techniques used by our local authority to target people that get up their hooters (UK not US slang, ie. noses not boobies).

Although there are strict legal regulations relating to covert human intelligence sources, this doesn't seem to bother Adur and Worthing Councils. Despite their "intelligence" sources being only comparable to trained espionage operatives if Anthony Blunt is a rhyming slang term that I have missed, they are really annoying to say the least.

The council have quite a predictable way of utilising gullible sheeple as sources of gossip information in order to make the lives of innocent people a living nightmare. The people they use are pretty much all the same ilk, sad individuals who seem to think that having Cllr before your name grants immediate respect (it is in reality an abbreviation for where in the house their morals lie buried) and believes that by hounding innocent people that they are somehow pleasing their master, like a mentally subnormal labrador, only without the "cute factor".

The first step is usually a letter or email to your neighbours or people that will be nothing more than a face that you see in the street, they will send you one of these too, if you recognise yourself in the accused position get ready for a hellish experience. This correspondence will identify you in all but name, making some pretty direct accusations but making it clear that they don't actually have any evidence to back them up, it will then ask you to be a responsible member of the community, and suggest that you do this by sharpening up your pitchfork and start to gather as much gossip as you can from anyone that may not have received the letter, and report it back to them.

In our case we decided to use our old friend the Data Protection Act to see what was being sent in. It was an eye opener for sure. We got to read some fantastic reports, ours came from our old fiends Stephen Morgan and John Bowd, and contained such gems as:

 "Here are the facts about .............." names removed as it is us, this document went on the allege that these "facts" were, "Kevin Hartney told me that," yours truly, "called him a (Anthony Blunt)", and "someone called Ian,  I don't know his surname, eavesdropped them saying that they would torch Kevin", along with lots of other third hand gossip portrayed as "facts".

Obviously the authors of these "reports" are lacking somewhat in any form of clue, but that didn't bother ADC, they believed that these statements were sufficient evidence to take us to court, knowing that we could not afford a solicitor. I know that they say that the man who represents himself, has a fool for a lawyer, but I thought that this would still put me head and shoulders above the councils solicitor, bearing in mind that all they had was gossip and hearsay.

I requested disclosure of documents quoted in the legal documents, but after 5 requests, the council's solicitor still refused to provide anything whatsoever. So we turned up in court to be told that if we chose to defend the case, we would need to have at least a grand in order to fight it. Which we did not have, so we had to sign an undertaking in order to not be screwed financially by them as well.  I did try and ask the judge why we were not permitted any disclosed documents with which to defend ourselves, but he didn't seem to even know what I was saying, and if he did, he didn't give a crap. The documents were finally disclosed 7 weeks after the hearing. Not too much use then.

We also found within these documents some rather disturbing correspondence from the council, one in particular was from a certain Sasha Bryson (AKA The Bison) to Morgan and others. This email encouraged these members of the public to phone her if myself or my family were seen, and to update them of our activities, she even went as far as to include her mobile number to allow them to call her outside of working hours to report any further information. Somewhat extreme for a family like mine with no criminal convictions or any history of illegal behaviour (apart from my caution for aiding and abetting a motorcycling offence in 1987).

Seems like they forgot to call off their attack labradors though. Every time we are out and about we see these vile little troglodytes grab their phones on spying us and they begin staring intently at us whilst calling their masters and looking like they've just left a little pile on the kitchen floor.

We had this before Xmas; I took the youngling shopping for pressies, and on the way to Portslade (the historic town where Noddy Holder keeps his boat, Port Slade, geddit?) we were spotted by Morgan's wife, Sharon Morgan, Who immediately grabbed her mobile and began to stare at us and make a call, more in the style of Mr Bean than Mr Bond. When we reached our destination we saw our old friend Kevin Davis (Russian spy name Kevski Nobdropov) who persuaded the gullible staff in the charity shop to allow him to go into the back room to make his call, making up some very nasty story about us in order to do so. Now you could put all of this down to paranoia, of course we have a justified reason to be a bit paranoid after all of this rubbish.

We would have put this down to paranoia if it wasn't for the visit from the SS, who work in partnership with the local council don't forget. During their visit they decided to mention our shopping trip to Portslade before Xmas. That was a bit of a coincidence wasn't it? It also coincided with something else happening, but I'm saving that one for another day, I'll tell you all about that when I'VE COLLECTed the rest of the data relating to the accusations surrounding  "my" allegedly, "cowardly self", my supposedly, "evil girlfriend" and her reputedly, "wayward son". You'll really enjoy that one, I know I will.


Don't forget to wash behind your ears (there may be a council snitch there, waiting to be washed out)
HHH